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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.