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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
What about a To-Don`t List?
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon