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Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.