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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.