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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.