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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.