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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.