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Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.