Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
When I say “the other day” I could mean yesterday or 5 years ago there’s no in between.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??