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If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.