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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.