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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.