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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.