Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Year’s resolution is to climb Mount Everest, learn 7 new languages, and stop lying.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
I was going to get married, but my wife refuses to sign the divorce papers
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise