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They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
We get it poets: things are like other things
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
If it lasts 4 hours I`m not only callin a Dr, I`m callin everybody!!
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!