Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and that`s where I sleep.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.