Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights