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Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
If a cop ever asks me to count from 100 backwards ...I just get in the back seat