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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.