Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.