Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
I’m sorry I’m late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.
Gun Control: Use both hands
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*