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People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.