Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.