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"You`re better than that" is almost never true
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time