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Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes