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Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I`m old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..