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Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
That kid looks like me. Somebody should warn him.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?