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Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
If everything goes as planned, tonight I shall drink myself beautiful.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.