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In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.
Line forms here for spankings
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?