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Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!