Daily Silly Status

I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.

I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.

Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.

“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature

Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.

Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same

I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.

Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.

I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.

I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.

To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"

I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.

After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.

When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie

They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.