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French people give me the crepes.
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
From all these shows I`ve watched it seems like snipers lay down a lot of the day....I`d probably be pretty good at that job.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!