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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Mondays should start at noon.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops