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We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
A man who scratches his butt should not bite fingernails!
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping