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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Elevator music bothers me on so many levels