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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.