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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
My cardio is shopping.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
Make your girlfriend scream your name, leave the toilet seat up.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.