Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
My daughter said, "You`re the best mommy ever!" I`m really proud that she`s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....