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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.