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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.