Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels and cases of beer.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...