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Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!