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Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work