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By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
When someone walks away from me shaking their head, I totally agree.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.