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That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of reasons why I drink in the first place?
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
why do i feel like you are reading this