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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can’t even make her a mix tape anymore?
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.