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I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.