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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.