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Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories