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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
My memory foam has amnesia
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.