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I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.