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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
Don´t be stupid, it´s not smart.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
I just ate 3 whole chickens ... they were hard boiled.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!