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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.