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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.