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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
This hot fudge sundae hasn`t killed me so it must be making me stronger.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.