Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.