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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.