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First fart at my new job.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.