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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.