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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.