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Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Iām so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.