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I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360