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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie