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I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!