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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
Admit it, you should be doing something else really important right now but your on Facebook again.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
It should really be called teethpaste.