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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone