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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
:): The Bipolar smiley face
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?