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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Own the day
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.